Alright, let’s just get one thing straight from the top: Valerie Bertinelli is not here for your Eddie Van Halen biopic fantasy.
Yeah, we’re talking about the same Valerie who spent decades with the guitar god himself, who raised their son Wolfgang, and who’s spent years batting away the Yoko Ono comparisons like flies at a picnic. She’s had enough of the Hollywood dramatization train — and she’s not buying a ticket.
Yeah. She said it. On The Drew Barrymore Show. Valerie joked, and not-so-joked about being called the Yoko Ono of Van Halen.
Her exact words:
“Well, I have been called Yoko in my day… Oh, you didn’t know that I broke up Van Halen? But I could not play [Ono].”
“As if I had the power to break up a band. Yoko’s an amazing woman. She’s an artist, and she did not break up the Beatles. The Beatles had their own issues.”
She recalled Van Halen having “their own issues,” which led to the hardship within the band. “And it wasn’t all Ed’s fault. Okay, I’m just going to put that out there. Everybody loves to blame Ed, and he can’t defend himself. Nowhere near was it all Ed’s fault… He just wanted to write his music and play his music.”
Bertinelli doesn’t want to see a casting announcement involving a characterization of herself anytime soon.
“Oh God, I hope they never do one about Van Halen,” she said. “Make sure I’m dead. I told Wolfie, ‘Make sure I’m dead.'”
However, she has thought about who should play her on screen: “Selena Gomez. She would be amazing. But Selena, don’t do it. Please don’t do it.”
Valerie made it crystal clear that Eddie Van Halen, who passed away in 2020, has been unfairly dragged for the demise of the band. And honestly? She’s had it with the revisionist history.
She basically said what most fans already kinda knew, but weren’t brave enough to say out loud. Eddie wasn’t perfect, he struggled with addiction, ego clashes, band politics, but to pin the implosion of one of the greatest rock bands of all time on one guy?
Here’s where it gets interesting. With the new Beatles cinematic universe, from director Sam Mendes, four biopics for four Beatles, everyone’s wondering what the next rock band to get the Hollywood glow-up will be. And Van Halen’s name is definitely on the shortlist.
So when Drew Barrymore brought it up? Valerie didn’t jump at the idea.
She’s lived it. The highs. The real lows. The hospital visits, the rehab stints, the moments the public never saw. Watching someone cast actors to play out your heartbreak and chaos on a screen while some studio execs try to squeeze it into a 2-hour runtime?
But again, she’d rather not see it happen at all.
And honestly, it’s not hard to understand why. Valerie still talks about Eddie with love. She was by his side when he passed. She doesn’t want some glossy Netflix drama turning their life into clickbait.
But in 1980, backstage at a Van Halen concert in Shreveport, Louisiana, they met.
By 1981, they’re married. Their marriage had its highs, the birth of their son, Wolfgang Van Halen, in 1991 being one of the biggest.
But this was also a marriage under the crushing weight of fame, addiction, touring, and two very different lifestyles. Eddie was battling alcohol and drug issues. Valerie, in her own words, was trying to hold it all together, and struggling.
They separated in 2001. Finalized the divorce in 2007. However, they stayed close. Valerie has always said, Eddie was the love of her life. Even if they couldn’t make marriage work, they were bonded forever through Wolfgang.
And that’s exactly what happened.
They co-parented. They stayed in touch. And when Eddie’s health began to seriously decline in the late 2010s, cancer, throat surgeries, endless treatments, Valerie was right there. Visiting. Caring. Loving him in a way only people with that history can.
